It happens quickly.
A pencil breaks.
Someone takes the blue block.
A child doesn’t get to be first in line.
A game doesn’t go the way someone expected.
And suddenly…
everything is very, very wrong.
There are tears.
Someone shouts.
A chair scrapes across the floor.
Another child insists:
“BUT I HAD IT FIRST!”
And you’re standing in the middle of a classroom with twenty other children while one small person is experiencing one very big feeling.
Teachers deal with these moments every day.
We want children to learn how to manage frustration, disappointment, anger, excitement, worry and conflict.
But telling an upset child:
“Calm down.”
doesn’t necessarily teach them how.
Emotional regulation is something children gradually learn through experience, language, modeling, routines and repeated opportunities to practise.
One simple framework can help:
PAUSE → NAME → RESPOND
First, create enough space to stop the immediate reaction.
Then help the child recognize what they’re feeling.
Finally, help them choose what to do with that feeling.
Because the goal isn’t to teach children not to have big feelings.
It’s to help them learn what to do when those feelings arrive.
Behavior Is What We See—But It Isn’t Always the Whole Story
A child pushes another child away from the blocks.
We see:
pushing.
A child tears up their work.
We see:
destructive behavior.
A child refuses to join the activity.
We see:
noncompliance.
Those behaviors still need appropriate boundaries.
But underneath them may be:
frustration
embarrassment
disappointment
fear
overwhelm
confusion
jealousy
tiredness
difficulty communicating
Understanding the feeling doesn’t mean accepting inappropriate behavior.
We can hold both ideas at once:
“You’re allowed to be angry.”
and:
“You’re not allowed to hit.”
That’s an important distinction for children to learn.
1. Teach Emotional Skills Before the Difficult Moment
The middle of a meltdown isn’t the ideal time to introduce a completely new emotional-regulation strategy.
Teach these skills when children are calm.
During storytime.
Circle time.
Role-play.
Games.
Class discussions.
Ask:
“What does angry look like?”
“What might your body feel like when you’re worried?”
“What could you do when you’re frustrated?”
Then, when the real emotion appears later, the child has something familiar to draw on.
We’re not trying to invent the fire drill while the building is on fire.
We practise first.
2. Help Children Build a Feelings Vocabulary
Children can’t always tell us:
“I’m frustrated because I was expecting the activity to continue and I’m finding the transition difficult.”
They may simply shout:
“NO!”
Young children need words for what they’re experiencing.
Start with familiar emotions:
happy
sad
angry
scared
Then gradually introduce more precise language:
frustrated
worried
disappointed
excited
nervous
embarrassed
lonely
jealous
proud
confused
calm
The more accurately children can describe what they’re feeling, the easier it becomes to talk about what might help.
Instead of:
“I feel bad.”
a child may eventually be able to say:
“I’m disappointed because I didn’t get a turn.”
That’s significant progress.
3. Teach Children to Notice What Their Bodies Are Saying
Feelings aren’t only words.
Children can learn to notice physical clues.
Ask:
“What happens to your body when you’re angry?”
Maybe:
my fists get tight
my face feels hot
my heart beats fast
I want to shout
What about nervous?
my tummy feels funny
I don’t want to talk
I want to stay near the teacher
What about excited?
I want to move
I talk quickly
I can’t wait
Recognizing these signals can help children notice a feeling before it becomes overwhelming.
Eventually, a child may begin to think:
“My body feels like this when I’m getting angry.”
That creates an opportunity to pause.
4. Teach the Pause
The pause doesn’t have to be complicated.
For younger children, it might simply mean:
Stop.
Hands to yourself.
Take a slow breath.
You might practise:
smelling an imaginary flower and slowly blowing out a candle
counting slowly
taking a drink of water
sitting somewhere quiet
putting hands together
asking an adult for help
The aim isn’t to force the emotion away.
It’s to create a small space between:
feeling
and:
action.
That space is where better choices can begin.
5. Name the Feeling
Once the immediate situation is safer, help the child put words to what happened.
Try:
“You look really frustrated.”
Or:
“I wonder if you’re disappointed because you wanted another turn.”
Notice the language:
“I wonder…”
rather than:
“You ARE…”
We can offer emotional vocabulary without insisting that we know exactly what the child feels.
The child may correct you.
“I’m not sad! I’m MAD!”
Good.
They’ve named it.
6. Separate the Feeling from the Behavior
This is one of the most important messages we can give children.
All feelings are allowed.
Not all behaviors are allowed.
A child can be furious.
They still cannot hit.
A child can be disappointed.
They still cannot destroy another child’s work.
A child can be jealous.
They still cannot take something from someone else.
Try:
“It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to hit.”
Then add:
“What can we do instead?”
Now you’re not punishing the emotion.
You’re teaching a different response.
7. Give Children Replacement Behaviors
Simply telling children what not to do leaves a gap.
“Don’t shout.”
Okay.
What should I do?
“Don’t grab.”
Then how do I get a turn?
“Don’t hit.”
What do I do with all this anger?
Teach alternatives.
Instead of grabbing:
“Can I have a turn when you’re finished?”
Instead of hitting:
step away
use words
ask for help
squeeze hands together
take a pause
Instead of shouting across the room:
move closer
raise a hand
use the agreed classroom signal
Behavior support becomes much more useful when children know what to do instead.
8. Use Stories to Discuss Feelings at a Safe Distance
Stories give teachers a wonderful opportunity to discuss emotions when nobody in the classroom is currently upset.
A character loses something.
Pause.
“How do you think they feel?”
Someone makes an unkind choice.
“Why do you think they did that?”
A character is left out.
“What could someone do to help?”
A character makes a mistake.
“What should happen next?”
Children can explore emotional situations through a fictional character without feeling that the conversation is about their own behavior.
Critter Chronicles characters can provide natural starting points for discussions about:
choices
consequences
friendship
empathy
patience
disappointment
courage
problem-solving
The character has the problem.
The children help solve it.
And later, when something similar happens in the classroom, you have a shared reference point.
9. Ask What Happened Before Asking “Who Started It?”
Two crying children arrive.
Immediately:
“Who started it?”
Now you’ve created a courtroom.
Both children begin proving why the other person is guilty.
Instead, once everyone is calm enough to talk, try:
“Tell me what happened.”
Listen to one child.
Then the other.
You may discover:
One child thought the game was finished.
The other didn’t.
One thought the block was available.
The other was saving it.
One thought something was funny.
The other thought they were being laughed at.
Understanding what happened doesn’t mean nobody is responsible for their behavior.
It simply helps you teach from the actual problem.
10. Don’t Force an Immediate Apology
Two children argue.
We separate them.
Then comes:
“Say sorry.”
“Sorry.”
Problem solved?
Not necessarily.
An apology can be meaningful.
A forced word said while a child is still furious may not be.
Instead, first help children understand:
What happened?
How did the other person feel?
What needs to happen now?
Perhaps the response is:
an apology
helping rebuild something
returning an item
giving someone space
trying again
making a different choice
Repair matters more than simply producing the word sorry.
11. Create a Calm Space, Not a Punishment Corner
A classroom calm area can be useful.
But children quickly understand the meaning we attach to spaces.
If the calm corner becomes:
“The place naughty children are sent,”
children may resist using it voluntarily.
Instead, present it as a place anyone can use when they need a moment.
It might contain:
a comfortable cushion
feelings visuals
a simple breathing prompt
a sensory object
paper and pencils
a timer if appropriate
The purpose isn’t:
“Go away until you’re good.”
It’s:
“Here’s somewhere you can regain enough control to rejoin us successfully.”
12. Model Emotional Regulation Yourself
This one can be uncomfortable because teachers are human too.
The printer jams.
Someone spills an entire container of paint.
Three children are calling your name.
You’re late for assembly.
And now someone has knocked over all the blocks.
Children are watching.
You can model:
“I’m feeling frustrated. I’m going to stop for a moment and work out what to do.”
You don’t need to pretend teachers never become annoyed.
Showing children how an adult handles frustration appropriately can be more useful than pretending frustration doesn’t exist.
13. Use Role-Play for Common Classroom Problems
Practise before the real conflict.
Give children scenarios.
Someone has the toy you want.
What could you say?
Someone knocks over your tower accidentally.
What could you do?
You didn’t win the game.
What could you say?
Someone doesn’t want to play the game your way.
What could happen next?
Let children act out different responses.
Some will be sensible.
Some will be hilarious.
That’s fine.
Then discuss:
“Which response would help?”
Now children have mentally rehearsed options before they need them.
14. Teach That Two People Can Feel Differently About the Same Situation
A child knocks over a tower and laughs.
The builder cries.
One child says:
“It was funny!”
The other says:
“It wasn’t funny!”
Both may genuinely be describing their experience.
Ask:
“How did it feel to you?”
Then:
“How do you think it felt to them?”
This is where emotional regulation and empathy begin to overlap.
Children learn that:
My feeling is real.
and:
Someone else’s feeling can also be real.
15. Don’t Expect the Same Strategy to Work for Every Child
One child wants a quiet space.
Another becomes more upset when separated from the group.
One benefits from breathing slowly.
Another needs movement.
One wants to talk immediately.
Another needs time before they can explain.
The goal isn’t to create one magical:
“Everybody take three breaths!”
solution.
Build a small toolkit.
Children can gradually learn:
“When I feel like this, this strategy helps me.”
That’s much closer to genuine self-regulation.
16. Notice and Name Successful Regulation
We often notice emotional regulation when it goes wrong.
Notice when it goes right too.
“You looked frustrated when the tower fell, but you stopped and built it again.”
“You were disappointed that you weren’t first, but you joined the line anyway.”
“I noticed you asked for help instead of grabbing.”
This isn’t generic praise.
You’re identifying the specific behavior the child used successfully.
That helps make the strategy visible.
17. Don’t Expect Regulation to Develop Overnight
A child may successfully use a strategy on Monday.
Then completely forget it on Tuesday.
That’s normal.
Emotional skills require repetition just like academic skills.
We wouldn’t teach a letter sound once and say:
“We’ve covered that. Why don’t they know it?”
The same should apply here.
Pause.
Name.
Respond.
Again.
And again.
Gradually, the adult support can reduce.
Eventually, the child begins doing more of the process independently.
18. Know When Behavior Needs Closer Observation
Not every classroom behavior challenge can be solved through a feelings chart or calm corner.
If a child frequently experiences intense distress, aggression, withdrawal, or difficulty regulating across different situations, teachers should follow their school’s procedures for observation, documentation, support, and communication with the appropriate colleagues and family.
Look for patterns.
When does it happen?
What happened immediately beforehand?
What seems to help?
What makes it worse?
Does it happen during particular activities or transitions?
The goal is not to diagnose the child.
It’s to understand what support may help them participate safely and successfully.
Where Critter Corner Can Help
For emotional learning, Critter Corner’s strongest role isn’t a worksheet telling children:
“Circle the happy face.”
It’s giving children characters and situations worth discussing.
Character-based stories can allow a class to explore:
How does the character feel?
Why might they feel that way?
Was their choice helpful?
What happened because of that choice?
What else could they have done?
How could another character help?
Those discussions can naturally support emotional vocabulary, empathy, perspective-taking and understanding consequences.
Teachers can also extend stories through:
role-play
character feelings drawings
alternative endings
problem-solving discussions
“what would you do?” activities
The important thing is not to turn every story into a behavior lecture.
Let children enjoy the story first.
Then use the moments that naturally invite conversation.
Try This Tomorrow: Pause → Name → Respond
Introduce three simple steps to your class.
PAUSE
“Stop before you act.”
Practise one simple pause strategy together.
NAME
“What am I feeling?”
Give children several emotion words to choose from.
RESPOND
“What can I do?”
Brainstorm appropriate options:
use words
ask for help
take a moment
try again
walk away
take turns
find another solution
Then practise with a pretend scenario.
“You built a huge tower. Someone accidentally knocks it down. What happens next?”
Let children work through:
PAUSE → NAME → RESPOND
Nobody needs to be upset for real.
That’s the point.
You’re practising the skill before they need it.
Big Feelings Need Skills, Not Shame
A busy classroom will never be completely free from conflict.
Children will get angry.
Disappointed.
Jealous.
Overexcited.
Worried.
Frustrated.
Sometimes they’ll respond beautifully.
Sometimes they absolutely will not.
Our job isn’t to eliminate those emotions.
And it isn’t to make children feel ashamed for having them.
It’s to gradually teach:
I can notice what I’m feeling.
I can pause before I act.
I can put words to what happened.
I can choose what to do next.
I can repair things when I get it wrong.
That’s a much bigger lesson than simply:
“Behave.”
Because eventually the teacher won’t be standing beside them saying:
“Stop. Think. What could you do instead?”
We want that voice to gradually become their own.